Every Now and Then I Fall Apart (Jazalea)

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After the break at his parents for the last couple of days, Jake had thought he'd have been happy to come home. But after the glass breaking, Jake had known that there was something wrong. Something that Azalea wasn't telling him. As much as the young man wished to forget, the threat of Azalea leaving from the summer had taken control of his thoughts...

It was the only logical reason for everything that had happened, wasn't it?

The image of his Boggart had flashed across his vision more times than he was willing to count on the drive home. The many ways he could try to talk her in to staying formulating in his mind in a hopeful attempt that when Azalea told him, he would pick the one that would make her stay.

Jake knew he hadn't been home enough recently, and he'd convinced himself that it would be okay. Azalea had to know that despite his manic timetable, he loved her more than any of it. Didn't she..?

As the witch pulled the Spyder in to the car parking space, Jake had grabbed the bags and followed Azalea up to the flat. The Quidditch star kept shaking himself, trying to pull himself together with the reasoning she wouldn't have come to Eden Prairie if she'd felt that way, but it was niggling in the back of his mind. "Do you want some lunch?" Jake asked softly as he put their bags by the washing basket, looking back to Azalea. "Or... would you like to go somewhere... together?" He prompted. Merlin knew he was worried, but if he did something with her... that would make everything okay, wouldn't it?

Jake could only hope as he looked at his girlfriend, the worry relating to the situation quite clear in his eyes. Screaming at her not to leave, not now.

Subject: Re: Every Now and Then I Fall Apart (Jazalea) Sat Jun 07, 2014 12:25 pm

The drive back from Eden Prairie wouldn't have been long enough if it lasted an entire lifetime, images of Jake's family flashing through her mind in various states of disappointment when the news broke. It was only the car's magical ability to transit through space the way it did that stopped the witch from crashing into anything given her shaking hands which, despite the thick jacket she wore, remained as jittery as they had since the slip of the wineglass the afternoon before.

Somehow, Azalea managed to navigate the spider into its parking space, finally looking up at Jake who hadn't started conversation throughout the journey anymore than she had been inclined to. Without a word, the Quidditch star reached for the bags and they entered the flat together, the familiar feel of their own space for once not managing to calm the young woman.

"Do you want some lunch?"

"I can start on it while you wash up," the brunette conceded softly, not responding to his idea of going out. It was too cold anyway, and all the exhaustion Azalea had been hiding since november was threatening to break her in half.

"Go on," she encouraged, already heading to the kitchen, coat and all. Despite the well heated apartment, Azalea doubted she would ever be warm again.

Guest

"I can start on it while you wash up,"

Jake looked at the witch with slight confusion at the notion he should go and shower. Pushing him away even though he had told her that he would cook them something. It was a moment later that Jake moved towards the witch, hoping that he could talk her around.

"Go on,"

That made Jake's mind up as he turned towards the bathroom. Perhaps he could pretend everything was okay if she kept mothering him like she normally did. Reminding him to do the trivial things in life as if he had forgotten. The young man simply couldn't bring himself to make her talk, not yet. With a soft sigh, likely audible in the silence of the flat, Jake pushed open the bathroom door.

It was about half an hour later that the Quidditch star exited the bathroom, cleaned up and head still mulling over things at a faster rate than he could process. Nothing made sense any more. The smell of cooking drifted around the house, but Jake ignored it, pulling on some grey sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt. Hesitating in the hallway, Jake moved in to the lounge, deciding to have dinner in there instead.

How he wanted to talk to the witch, but he was scared, so very scared of what she might say. But instead of thinking, Jake turned on the television and flicked through the channels aimlessly. Azalea would have to come in here eventually... and... maybe then she would tell him what was wrong?

Subject: Re: Every Now and Then I Fall Apart (Jazalea) Sat Jun 07, 2014 1:54 pm

For a moment it looked as though he wouldn't leave her, would stay with her in the kitchen and hold her until all the pain bled out of her body, every last drop.

It looked for a moment as though perhaps things might work out.

And then Jake conceded quietly, retreating to the bathroom while Azalea removed her coat, swapping it for an apron. Carbonara sounded like a meal someone would enjoy on the eve of the end of the world, the brunette thought as she put the fettucini to boil, working on the cheese based sauce separately like she'd seen in a recipe from the Newbury Family Cookbook.

It wasn't her best work, but it smelled edible and perhaps any flaws in the food would be disguised by the drone of the television on in the living room. Putting a plate of freshly made spaghetti carbonara on a tray, the witch teamed it with a glass of water and carried out to the living area, silently placing it on the coffee table in front of Jake.

"Here you, I think I'll go... take a shower," she added, beating a hasty retreat to the bedroom.

Where she sank down on the bed, almost instantly curling up on herself and hugging her knees as tightly as possible in an attempt to keep the tears from falling.

Guest

"Here you, I think I'll go... take a shower,"

With the food in front of him, Jake looked up to the witch, about to ask her to join him, but she was already leaving the room. "Thank you." Jake called after her in regards to the food, leaning forwards and pulling the plate in to his lap. Hunger was no where near ready to be acknowledged with the amount his mom had fed him over the last couple of days, but Jake didn't wish to upset the witch in the slightest.

The Quidditch star took his time eating, waiting for the noise of the shower to start, but never hearing it. Even when he finished the final strand of spaghetti at its lukewarm temperature, Azalea hadn't moved in to the bathroom. The power shower made enough noise for him to hear wherever he was in the flat.

After finishing the food, Jake rose to his feet, switching the television of and heading back to the kitchen with his plate and glass. Azalea wasn't in here either which made the man frown slightly as he washed up his plate and put it in to the drying rack. Turning back towards the door, Jake crossed the hall to their room, knocking lightly before he opened the door.

Azalea's frame took up only the smallest of spaces on the bed, curled up, though Jake knew she wouldn't be asleep. "Azalea?" Jake whispered, scared of saying anything too loud. "Can we talk?" The question was just as soft as Jake moved in to the room, shutting the door after himself. It only took a few steps to get to Azalea's side of the bed where he sank to his knees beside her form. It was with great apprehension that he reached out for her hand, taking it gently in his own.

She hadn't answered his question, but they both knew already. "What's wrong, Azalea?" Jake asked softly, the worry evident in his features as he watched her, trying to understand. "What did I do wrong?" The young man whispered, trying to find some clues in her mannerisms.

Subject: Re: Every Now and Then I Fall Apart (Jazalea) Sat Jun 07, 2014 2:31 pm

Time had lost its meaning since the day she'd found out she could only ever produce flowers. Some days were fast and some far too slow but all were just the same, devoid of someone better, someone who was whole and didn't rely on exteriors to keep the cracks from showing.

Of course she knew when Jake entered the room, ironically as quietly as a Nightshade. A part of her was so irreversibly attuned to him that the witch had no doubt she would know where Jake was no matter what her own geographical location on this earth.

"Can we talk?"

All she had to do was shake her head, she wouldn't even have to utter the one syllable for Jake to drop the subject. He'd always been kind like that giving her what she wanted.

And now she was going to take away from him something he wanted in the future. For the first time since her visit to Healer Derwent's office, Azalea truly wished she was dead.

Henry was right, she had to tell Jake soon, before the idea of death started sounding more appealing. Suppressing a shudder, the witch nodded silently as Jake came to kneel beside her, his hand gently holding hers.

"What did I do wrong?"

The Herbologist shook her head quickly, trying to reassure him that it wasn't him, it was never him. It was always her.

"I.. can't have children," she whispered, her gaze firmly trained on their joined hands on the bed. "The tests came back a month ago, Healer Derwent said they're certain." If she had thought doing it neat and quick, like ripping off a band aid, would be less painful, she was wrong.

Guest

The nod of confirmation made Jake feel both more uptight and relax at the same time. If they could talk, it meant things were going to be okay... or that they were going to be over sooner. Jake was banking on the first option, hoping more than anything in the world that it would be the first option, but he wasn't sure.

Next the shake of the head that denoted he had done nothing wrong only marked that he had misunderstood. The witch before him was silent for a moment, and Jake allowed her that. He wanted to talk, but everything would, as it always had, be dealt with at Azalea's pace.

"I.. can't have children,"

"There's no ru-"

"The tests came back a month ago, Healer Derwent said they're certain."

"You... what tests?" Jake asked, his eyes focussing on Azalea, his mind ticking over a hundred miles a minute. Azalea hadn't mentioned tests, had she? For the life of him he couldn't remember. A figure for her work from the hospital, yes, but tests...

I.. can't have children.

Even though Azalea hadn't spoken the words again, they rang true in Jake's mind. Back to the afternoon from the day before when she dropped her glass at the mention of them having children, spinning around the last month where they'd barely spent time together past falling in to bed. The sole reason for everything becoming a little off that only just became a reality now...

I.. can't have children.

"W-we can't have children..." Jake whispered, correcting the witch without really knowing he was speaking as his body went numb with pain. The words just tumbled around him again and again as the young man went motionless with shock. He'd always thought... but he'd be so wrong...

The blurring of his vision didn't register to Jake as a tear broke from the edge of his eye and began it's slow decent down his cheek. The Quidditch star didn't react to it, still trying to digest the information he'd been given with no success. "H-how?" Jake managed, a second tear rolling carefully down his cheek. The question didn't make sense to him any more than the situation. They were young, perfectly healthy, it didn't make sense.

It was a horrible lie. Set out to harm and so many other things that Jake simply couldn't imagine. It wasn't the truth, it had been planned for in a round about way. "We..." But Jake couldn't compile another sentence as he brought his free hand up to hold Azalea's hands, clinging on to the one person he'd always need. Clinging to the last bit of hope that this was perhaps a horrid nightmare, and he would wake up.

Subject: Re: Every Now and Then I Fall Apart (Jazalea) Sat Jun 07, 2014 3:14 pm

If coming to terms with the information about her own deformity had been painful then it was nothing even remotely close to watching Jake trying to digest the news. The look of shock, horror, grief, disbelief and the small tinge of hope against what she'd said was enough to make her wish she had stabbed herself through the heart sooner than told him.

But he had to know, before it was too late.

"You... what tests?"

"They ran some tests on me as a free courtesy," Azalea replied, her voice no longer shook. This was fact, if she told it like fact, perhaps it would hurt lesser. "The results came out mid november. Healer Derwent said I could get a second opinion but..." Azalea shook her head, implying that the results would not be any different.

"W-we can't have children..."

Another shake of her head, this one slightly more persistent because the witch couldn't bring herself to say the words out loud. I can't have any children, Jake, you're fine. There would be time to decide the rest later, time to decide when she had to return to Carmel, time to decide how soon Jake would met someone normal, someone who made him happy, someone who wasn't broken to very core.

As the tears slid down Jake's face, Azalea leaned forwards, pressing a soft kiss to the falling droplets. "I'm so... sorry,"

And with the apology, her voice broke.

It was just like with the wineglass, except this time, there was no way to fix it, no one to clean up the mess. Unlike the glass, Azalea would stay broken.

"I'm so very s-sorry..."

Guest

"The results came out mid November. Healer Derwent said I could get a second opinion but..."

The unspoken words rang clearer than anything else right now. They could go to tests, but they would get the same answer. How he was supposed to deal with that information, Jake wasn't sure, his mom had never put the idea in his head that sometimes children weren't a possibility. His dad had never told him that sometimes you had to make sacrifices of your dreams if you loved someone more than you could say.

"I'm so... sorry,"

Jake shook his head out of instinct in that moment, it wasn't Azalea's fault. It was nature, he supposed. Fate, if you believed in it. But as she spoke those words and brushed her lips against his cheek, Jake felt the truth poor in to him, weighing him down like nothing had ever done before.

The repeated sorry only made it worse, making it sound like she had more plans because of this. Plans that hadn't been discussed. But the Quidditch star merely reached out for her, pulling her from the bed in to his lap blindly as more tears fell down his cheeks. Silent tears that weren't even registering as Jake enveloped the witch. "It's... it's okay." Jake replied shakily, holding her close to his chest.

"We're g-going to be okay." He whispered, closing his eyes tightly as he held her close. Trying to show control despite his whole body wanting to curl in on itself, wanting to just sit and cry until it all went away. How he wanted to take out his anger on something, anything. But he couldn't, because even if every feeling was at such an intensity that he shouldn't have bottled it up, the girl in his lap needed him more than his own feelings matter.

"Be okay..." Jake whispered again.

Subject: Re: Every Now and Then I Fall Apart (Jazalea) Sat Jun 07, 2014 3:40 pm

It was like the first time all over again, the tears, the choking sobs, the feeling of hopelessness settling so deep inside you that a part of you would, always, be cold. Even as Jake pulled her her into his embrace, catching her off the edge of the bed only to scoop her up in his lap the next moment, Azalea knew with certainty that they were not going to be okay.

And Jake knew it too.

That was why he kept repeating it, over and over, his voice as broken as hers as she sobbed into him, clutching him so tightly that she couldn't tell anymore where her own tears ended and his began.

"Be okay..."

Blinded by the flow of tiny rivulets falling down her face, the brunette reached up and placed a soft finger on his lips, letting him know that he didn't have to lie, letting him know that she had had a lot more time to come to terms with the gravity of this situation.

They would never be okay, but they could at least break together, encircled in each other's arms as they mourned a life they would never have.

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